Never Pick Up A Stray
by Delectable Truffles
Summary: One fine afternoon, Tobi mindlessly discovers a tuna eating cat. Scratch that, a stray creature. Except this little kitty plots on ruining their lives with it's fluffy pink fur and kawaii green eyes. The same cat with hidden intentions that plans on blow up their base; and it's all his fault.. Oh wait, did we mention she's Naruto's team mate?
1. Stupid pride

**Hmm, hello. Welcome to my third fan fic. This is a new year for me, even though I already have two fics of my own back in 2009. I have made this idea after enjoying those fics when the Akatsuki turn into cats. But I would rather have Sakura turn into one instead. Wouldn't you?**

**Oh yeah, if there is anybody new reading this fic, I changed the title. It will no longer be "Destructive Pink Fur Ball" and will now claim the title, "Never Pick Up A stray." I changed it because it didn't fit the story. For Sakura would leave the village and critically be "adopted" by the Akatsuki.**

**Plus she will also cause havoc and never ending problems for all the members she interacts with. In a way, I wanted Sakura to behave like a cat and also keep the thoughts like when she was still a human. Could this be realistic enough for you? Some stuff will be random out of the fragments of my mind for I am quite crazy with the ideas.  
**

Never Pick Up A Stray

Chapter One: Stupid pride..

Sakura was busy.

Not in her house working on the tax forms before April comes. Or digging into a nice bowl of hot ramen while staring at the TV set. Instead this little kunoichi with petal hair was working deep in the lair of her lab on a very complicated serum. Sakura wasn't doing too well because of the timer ticking by her desk. It was in the shape of a frog with a smile on it's face bought as a gift for her from Naruto himself. She pitied it's fat belly but found it's constructive design pretty cute.

The kunoichi's eyes escaped from the clock and were dropping in exhaustion. She looked away from her work staring at the sky's endless luster through the window pane. Her time in the lab has expanded heading straight into night time. Supposedly, her friends up above on the higher floor who also working in the same department must have already left hours ago.

Sakura despised them, their ability to leave early with a smile on their faces while she is stuck down below in the dark. All Sakura had for a simple light source was a candle settled on the counter. The girl moaned in boredom and resumed working hoping to get off work before day break. What kept her busy day in and day out was a particular jar of chemicals filled to the top enabling the user to become any animal they chose. It's purpose was to keep watch of nuke nins and warn the hokage of suspicious activity.

She wished that someone else took the job. If only it worked except the workers of this firm were so friendly to give her more hours then she could take. While her mind was focused on the potion, her thoughts were else where on Tsunade. Why would only she allow the pinkette to work on this while the others only get a light slap on the wrist?

Her fists collided with the counter, this was all too much for her. She would rather be out on missions with her friends then locked up in here. But then again, what's the point of working under the art you enjoy? Hateful moments simmered down and the girl struggled with continuing her project.

Her green eyes adverted to the clock; it read 12:00 a.m. Maybe just one simple nap wouldn't hurt. Sakura collapsed on the counter with her arms acting as a soft pillow. A yawn escaped from her lips as her irises closed slowly. Clouds drifted and floated away revealing a white house cat in it's wake. This appeared to be her dream, allowing her to cat nap any time she wished. A green field filled with numerous flowers circled around her. Sakura wandered past them sniffing each flower with her nose.

She trotted over a bridge and came across a cherry tree. Sakura always wanted to see one up close. Each time she did, the petals will wilt from the snow frost a few feet away. The forest blew up around her and canceled it's self taking the form of a house with a fire place. Sakura was seen curled up in a tight ball and slept on the rug while the heat was giving her warmth.

Like the eagerness of seeing a cherry blossom tree from her past, the winter's climate brewed. Snow fell out of the sky in the background giving her a pleasant epilogue to her cat nap. While her dreams were about to end, something terrible was going on around her which she had no idea about.

Only a pool of mysterious goo let it's self be known underneath her body mass. It took over her body rendered it useless. The concoctions silent killing decreased her chakra reserves as the girl slept the night away. Moments later she awoke finding the room where she worked way bigger then before.

Sakura took notice to her surroundings and shrunk in fear when the frog timer let out a mighty croak. Was she asleep for this long without knowing? Sakura attempted to swat at the clock so it would shut up only to find.. a paw? She didn't not knowing what was going on while the other side an object that can only manipulate time was making noise.

Her eyes grew red in rage and she launched her self onto the clock slashing at it. The timer lost its balance tumbling to its death, it exploded on the floor catapulting it's clock face plate onto the counter. It landed near the girl's body and she crept closer calculation the hands coordinates.

_'Eight a.m.. I should have left the hospital ages ago..'_ She thought mindlessly and inched near the sink to clean out the sand bags in her eyes. When she reached the water her appearance was messed with. Instead of a human girl there was a milky white kitten with a pink tint and the greenest eyes you have ever seen.

Sakura moved back in surprise falling off the ledge onto the floor. She landed on her paws picking them up in pain noticing a few lose sprockets from the frog. The feline waved it's arms around shaking the machinery out and watched it land on the floor. Her eyes narrowed as the sprockets had traces of her blood on it. Her tail flickered back and fourth in anger.

What the hell type of potion was Tsunade thinking when she gave it to her? Now by accident her body shrunk taking the form of a small house cat. She didn't like this form at all, her mind will rather take refuge in a puma or wolf. Not some puny domesticated feline. The kitten's mind was distracted by heavy foot steps traveling across the hall way heading straight for her. She struggled trying to keep her presence away from the anbu or even Naruto.

Even though inner was telling her other wise to confront them but her pride was getting in the way. Without thinking, the cat climbed up the chair and ran down the counter jumping up the pipes connected to the sink leaving out the window. After she left, two ninjas were looking around the room. Their heads were being scratched in confusion after they figured that the pink haired female has vanished.

There was plenty of evidence to go around. Said calm ninja shook his head at the stains of freshly made blood splattered on the floor and the other cried over a broken frog timer. At once, both shinobi disappeared in green leaves near the hokage tower telling the godaime of Sakura Haruno's fate.

**~Outside..~**

_'This is suicide! How can a cat live like this?' _Thought a human turned feline.

Once Sakura left the hospital, she was having a hard time venturing around Konoha as a cat. There wasn't much to do or act on. First, her voice was watered down as only kawaii mews and soft meows. Second, walking around on all fours was difficult then she thought. Thirdly, how the hell can she survive out in the outside world? If any of her friends found her, they would probably put her in the pet shop. Last but not least, her whole body was naked! So what if cats are covered by fur, the term naked is still new for her.

Even if she could get away with it, moving around on the floor naked didn't float her boat. But soon or later, she would get used to this. Starting now. As she wandered down the streets of Konoha, many people took notice of her color pattern. Whispers like that _'shit ain't normal,'_ or '_we need that cat'_ floated into her kitty ears. If she had the ability to function with her human hands she will give them a middle finger. She wasn't this rare breed for sale!

Sakura couldn't get any further when her body got cornered by two evil mutts. She couldn't duck under any and run under their stomach because they could just lift her up into the air. The feline arched it's back snarling evilly as the dogs moved towards her foaming in the mouth.

_'Well, well, well. Looks like we got us here a cat.'_

_Yeah! Yeah!'_ Agreed it's goofy partner. he cocked his head to the side_. 'Um.. what do we got again?'_

_'Ugh, I said that we got us a CAT!'_

Sakura arched a kitty eye brow._ 'You guys are fools.' _and turned her cat body around leaving them in the opposite direction._ 'I'm gone, see you fools later..'_

The Akita didn't pay her any mind as she left to the side of him._ 'What did she call me?'_

_'Ahem, she called us fools!'_

_'Your the fool!'_ The smarter one growled bonking it's friend on the head._ 'Who the fuck called ourselves fools?'_

_'Do I count?'_

Everyone turned their furry heads and grew fearful when a giant dog the size of a mountain was three feet away from them. Sakura recognized the dog immediately by it's familar scent and attempted to run over near him but got bit by the tail. She let out a long howl of pain and spun around drawing dust around them slashing at the non smarter dog's face.

_'Ow, ow! My face!_' It whined._ 'The mean cat slashed at my face!'_

'_Your no help.' _The Akita growled and launched at her.

Sakura kicked up more dust blinding the dog's vision and stepped back when the larger inu took charge. It appeared from behind tugging on the akita's tail launching him up in the air and spun the dog around like a lasso. He released the robust male's tail bone and watched it fly across the sky heading to heaven.

The white dog turned staring at the dumber dog._ 'Do you want the seismic toss too?'_

_'No sir, I gots to go!' _it barked with a hint of goofiness and ran away with it's tail between it's legs.

Said feline ran after them hissing like a snake._ 'Take that you dumb butt sniffing dogs!'_

_'Hmm, do you really think that way about us?'_

Sakura turned around cocking her head to the side._ 'What do you mean?'_

_'I don't know. Even though you despise us, including cats. Why would you be in this form?'_

Her vision grew soft. _'No, I don't think that way for all animals. Just some.'_

_'Good! Let's take you back to the hokage! She including Kiba are worried about you!'_

The feline was about to protest when Akamaru dragged her towards the tower. Sakura unleashed her claws on the ground drawing dirt clouds everywhere they went. Her mind went dim as a light bulb formed across her furry head.

A smirk crept on her face. There was a fire hydrant three blocks away from them and then soon this humongous dog would like to mark it's scent on it. It was a perfect opportunity to escape and do what ever she wants. When the two animals reached the curb, Akamaru released his grip off her tail and wandered over the red hydrant to do his business.

While the dog found it's happy place, there was a horrible hunch that Sakura has left her spot and vanished. Which she did. He finished urinating on the hydrant and ran over near where he last left the feline. His nose drooped to the ground and he sniffed it numerous times picking up a scent.

Akamaru's head reared up and he felt a collar latch onto him. _'Hey! What gives?'_

"I'm sorry buddy. This is the only way I can keep you from running all over the place while were still searching for Sakura." Apologized his partner.

The dog started moving towards the scent. _'What are you talking about? She went that way!'_

Kiba quit moving and raised an eye brow. "Are you talking about Sakura or a cat? Cause all I smell is a fur ball.."

Akamaru's tail lowered as his master lead his body down the streets. He did not understand why the female won't go and turn her self in. This seemed like the only way she could reverse back into a human. She would rather suffer with the inconvenience of turning into a cat.

If he was turned into a human he would tell them to turn him back immediately. This relation process wouldn't work because she used to be a human, not the other way around. Hopefully the girl will realize that she was making a huge mistake and try to fix it.

Speaking of girls, more like human turned feline, Sakura has finally escaped out the village. Blending in with the cattle drive of a farmer made it easier for the cat to leave unnoticed. Her body stuck low to the ground like the fallen twigs and logs then got stuck behind the trees.

She heard voices echoing out from the clearing. Simple words like find the _'Kyuubi'_ and _'I need to take a piss'_ entered her ears. Sakura wished that she never heard the words and made a quick dash for the clearing until being caught by black gloves.

"Ahaha, Deidara sama! Look!"

Sakura took notice of her captor. His height was about five feet two and had a childish attitude for a man. What made him stand out from the so called murderous organization was a orange swirled mask on his face. While she stayed in the childish mans grasp, another man came into view.

"What did you find Tobi-brat, hmm?"

"Tobi find kitty!"

"A neko?"

"Yeah! Can we keep it?"

"Sure. When it comes back with us to the base I can blow it up with my clay birds, un."

"Yay! Dedidara-sama allow Tobi to keep kitty!"

"My names not sama, un!" Barked the blond in rage.

"M-my bad Deidara-sama." Tobi apologized and grew shocked at what he has previously said. "Oops, Tobi did it again."

"Ugh, just shut up. Were going home."

Said boy flipped out in glee when his partner spoke of going home. Tobi moved forward almost tripping on a fallen root and speed off trailing after his friend. Both members kept going and Deidara wasn't doing to well from all the noise coming from his partner. All the brat talked about was candy and ear wax.

Deidara covered his ears not caring if the mouths on his paws bit out his insides. This was the only way he could disable all the noise coming from Tobi. While they walked, Sakura didn't appreciate getting picked up by some gang member. Two _stupid_ gang members.

_'Oh no you don't. I'll make caring for me disastrous.'_ Thought the pink cat.

Yes it will be.

They're in for one hell of a ride..

...

**I finally came around to updating this chapter. Was it a little more informative than last time?**

** When I reread it, I didn't exactly give away the purpose of the potion and you must be thinking of it too. Well, soon I will redo the other chapter and the newer one is coming. **

**New readers can still review. I'm not joking. Review.. Good day. ^^**


	2. Mermaid chan

**Hello, welcome to the rewrite of chapter two. I spotted some errors and added a few more words including the title change. Enjoy.  
**

Never Pick Up A Stray

Chapter Two: Mermaid-chan

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No, un."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO! UN!"

The orange masked man grew quiet. "..." Then started up again. "Are we there y-"

Tobi couldn't finish asking any ridiculous questions when his partner swung at him. He ducked his head swiftly when a manly fist almost hit him dead in the face. Tobi got back up and dodged another blow by moving in reverse unknowingly walking into the trees behind him. Said loli pop man turned around realizing the elements around him and stared the man in the face.

"Tobi got all the trees around Tobi to protect Tobi!"

Deidara placed his palms in the air, covering his ears. "Err, will you stop talking all confusing and shit. Your giving me a head ache."

"Tobi like giving Deidara-sama head aches!" chirped the loli pop. Which made his opponent more angrier then before. "Ugh oh, Tobi mess up very, very, badly."

Out of instincts, Tobi lazily moved to the right and grinned when a loud scream echoed out of the blond clay maker's mouth.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK? UN!"

Apparently due to his dismay, Deidara had just smashed his bones against the hard trees. The look on his face was quite hysterical to his travel partners causing him to lash out in pure anger. The man blew steam from his nostrils and charged like a bull towards the childish man.

His partner moved from left to right jumping frantically like a frog. "Jaja ha! You missed! You missed Tobi!"

"Hold still, un!" Deidara shouted.

He tired to deal another blow but the frogger impersonator moved towards the open space. Tobi jumped over a log engraved on the forest floor and ran across the terrain dodging a muddy complication with bubbles spewing out towards the sky. Deidara realized this and steamed even more in pain and teary agony.

"Damn it, he missed the fucking quick sand.." hissed the blond.

Tobi stared at his hand. "T-tobi is alive?" he blinked, then turned around waving towards the terrorist. "Deidara-sama! Tobi-chan didn't get sucked up by the quick sand!"

Said clay bomber let out a groan of pure annoyance. How the fudge and why did Pein assign this joker to be his partner? Everything Deidara attempts to get rid of him, he always came back more childish and stupid then ever. I guess this blond handsome fellow will never know. Deidara's lone blue eye looked away from his new stupid side kick and paid attention to a certain pink blob heaving and breathing very oddly near a few tree stumps.

Deidara looked away at Tobi. "Hey Tobi no baka, un.." Tobi turned around facing him.

"Hm? What does Deidara-sama want from Tobi?"

"Err.. why you little..I mean, your damn cat is breathing strange.."

"Really?" Chirped the loli pop. He rushed forward pushing Deidara into a tree. "Let Tobi see!"

Tobi bent down on his knees and patted the neko on her back. He giggled and clapped both hands together like a kindergartner when the cat coughed up a hair ball onto the forest floor. Once his new feline finished acting sick, the childish man got up and waved towards the blond.

"Neh, Kitty-chan is alright! Let's hit the road!"

"About time.." He groaned while picking his nose. "Pein-teme doesn't like it when were late for meetings.."

"Ooh! Ooh! Tobi know a short cut!"

"Oh god.. I don't want to know about your dumb ass short cuts.."

"Why not?" Whined Tobi. "I promise that it will be good."

Deidara groaned again and looked towards the trees. The sun was setting. "Alright. Hurry up before it turns night fall."

"Glee heee hee! Deidara-sama trust Tobi!" Laughed the loli pop man. He made tracks into the forest leaving Deidara and Sakura behind. While Tobi left ahead of them, Deidara stayed behind with a bored look on his face. Time passed and soon a black and orange blob jumped out from the bushes.

He looked around in complete awe. "Why Tobi back at the same spot with Deidara-sama?"

"Because. Your directions is garbage." The blond responded. Tobi started crying from the insult. "Follow me Tobi no baka.."

**-Later on-**

Sakura was very confused by these two men in front of her. At first, she thought they looked stupid and weren't the smartest nail out of the tool box. Their simple hints and conversations told her other wise. But really, how long does it take to get back to your own base?

She could have sworn that it's location was in the deeper forests of Ame, not the back woods of Konoha. The sad part was that they didn't even know that they are even in the leaf nin's territory. Now if she was human she could pick them up with her brute strength and toss them over the milky way back to Konoha. Then the two naive fools will be convinced that her home town was Ame. But if only she was. Being trapped in this kitty body wasn't doing any justice for her either.

Her body stopped near a few trees. Thoughts of leaving the village on her own were plaguing her mind. Why did she leave and _how could she_ leave? All this started not to make sense any more when a splash of cool water entered her system. Sakura's green eyes opened and she found her self staring down into her own reflection.

_'I-I'm near a lake?_' She thought in disbelief.

"Hiya kitty-chan! Like the water?" Exploded a voice.

Sakura shrieked in fear from the sudden surprise and flung her self into the water. There wasn't that much action going on down below making Tobi weary.

"W-what happened to Kitty-chan?"

Deidara stood there for a minute before laughing his ass off. "Bwahaha! Omfg, you killed her!"

"Noo! Tobi didn't kill kitty-chan! Tobi didn't mean to do it!"

"If you didn't want the neko to die then why did you sneak up on her?" Questioned the clay bomber.

"Mmm, well I thought Kitty-chan was happy to see Tobi-chan.."

"Apparently not." Replied the blond flatly. His blue eye stared at the water. "I don't think she can last any longer."

Tobi started freaking out. "What?" and leaped into the water.

After jumping into the river, Tobi sunk like a rock and kept his attention on any moving creatures floating amongst the current. Once he reached the bottom after dodging numerous jelly fish and sting rays, there was a faint pink object settled at the bottom of the river. It appeared to be connected to the ground like sick sea weed. Except it wasn't seaweed.

But hair. _Human_ pink hair.

Tobi's eye widened and he frantically tried to rub them hoping that what he saw wasn't true and went back to the surface to get more air.

His gloved hands touched the ground. "T-Tobi just saw a mermaid!" He stuttered in awe.

Deidara raised an eye brow at him. "Oh really now?"

The loli pop masked man nodded continuously and watched bubbles form around his body. "Uh-oh. Tobi go wee wee in the water."

"More like take a crap in it.." he replied bitterly. "What the hell?"

Right before Deidara was the most miraculous moment he has ever witnessed. Settled onto the banks was a particular pink haired girl. Her short hair fell over her face making it difficult for the two men to completely see her face. Tobi kept rubbing his eyes and almost drowned in the lake.

He resurfaced and jumped up and down in the water frantically. "Omfg, I told you!" and smiled mischievously. "It's the mermaid lady!"

Deidara's glare hardened. "That ain't no mermaid. That's Sasori no danna's killer, hmmm.."

**-Moments later-**

Green eyes fluttered open and stared into the open flames.

The irises looked away and instead targeted a bright moon hanging above. While it stared at the twilight, a voice brought her back to reality.

"Hey, girl.. Quit staring at the sky and eat."

She looked down and stared at a stick with a fish going through it. The kunoichi's eyes traveled away from the dinner and bore into a lone blue eye a few feet away from her. To the right of the eye was another set that had black tomes in it._ 'Wait a minute, is that.. them?'_ She thought quizzically. After quickly realizing who they were, she shot up from the ground taking a fighting position.

"Akatsuki. What are you doing here?"

"No reason. Just mindlessly wandering the forest looking for food until we found you."

Sakura stared at him like he was an alien. "Could you repeat that for me?"

"No." He responded flatly. "And I suppose that you are the mermaid Tobi was talking about?"

"Tobi?" She repeated in confusion. Somebody yelled at her in delight.

"Me! Tobi is Tobi! Tobi and Deidara-sama figure out that you were the mermaid of this stream!"

"Oh my gosh.. I'm surrounded by idiots.." Sakura replied grimly and looked away towards the clearing. "Well, I should be going now."

Deidara and Tobi watched her get up from the ground and make her way over near the opposite direction from once they came. Both members exchanged a quick look and disappeared in white smoke to track down the cherry blossom. While Sakura made her way towards Konoha, she traced two male like chakra surges that were following her.

She stopped in mid step and spoke, "I can sense that you two weirdos are nearby. Now come out." in a deadly tone.

A blond blur dropped down from the trees. He landed on the forest floor. "Touche cherry cha..." Deidara smirked and halted at the end of the sentence when Tobi fell out the tree onto the floor.

He rolled over and hollered like a baby. "Ow. Tobi got a boo boo!" Wailed the loli pop.

Said clay bomber groaned from his stupidity and stared her down. "Touche cherry blossom. Your quite the runner, un."

"I wasn't even running.."

"Shut up! We know what you did! Un!" Barked the blond.

Sakura got irritated from the two annoying Akatsuki members and careless punched her gloved fist against the bark of a few trees causing a sudden earth quake. Deidara stumbled back and forth trying to keep his grip on any objects stuck to the ground while Tobi floated around in the air.

"Weee! Tobi fly like peter pan!"

"Shit, we'll never reach the base like this." He cussed and allowed a few clay spiders to walk the earth. The arachnophobias struggled to their balance and kept bumping into each other and exploded one by one like the domino effect. Deidara groaned at his unsuccessful plan and froze when a kunai was at his neck.

Sakura was dangerously breathing on him. "Any reason to why your stalking me?"

"Ha!" Deidara shouted, while swiping at the weapon with his hand. He moved backwards with Tobi at his side. "Whether you like it or not, your going back to head quarters with us."

"Over my dead body." She hissed.

"Please cherry-chan! Come with us to the base!" Pleaded Tobi.

The pinkette tried her best to ignore them and attempted to leave on her way back towards Konoha when a weird sensation suddenly took hold of her. She collapsed and fell down on her knees and started coughing violently causing the two men to keep their vision on her till the time being.

Tobi took notice of this. "Umm.. shouldn't we take her to a hospital?"

"How? Were miles away from a village with no food or water in sight, un.."

"But still! We need to make sure that she is all right!"

Deidara got tired of Tobi's wining. "Alright, we'll make camp here and see what's wrong with her."

"Yay! Tobi-kun and Deidara-sempai help cherry-chan today!"

"If you don't shut up I'll kill you and your cherry, un.."

Tobi shut his trap and started whispering something. "Tobi-kun keep mermaid-chan, Tobi-kun keep mermaid-chan.."

"Oh my fucking god! Will you shut up!"

"Mmm, you sound just like Hidan-teme!" pointed out the childish man.

"Everybody does when your around.."

While Tobi and Deidara made camp, they lost the ability to see the said cherry blossom's final transformation. Instead of being a human, which she longed for since the interaction with that dumb ass potion, she got turned into a house cat again. While the pink kitten landed on the floor, she kept her vision on the two faltering objects moving around in front of her.

They seem to be so content and calm with her being the killer of said Akatsuki puppeteer. Why didn't they kill her already? After all, she did destroy their only ability to recruit and spy on other villagers. While she thought, another idea popped up in her head. She shall spy on the Akatsuki for Konoha. But if she initiates with the plan, how would they know of her absence? Traveling from Ame to Konoha all in one night would be possible if they actually let you out the base to explore.

Scratch that out, this will never happen.

All this human turned neko knows is this; She left the village because of her pride. Now there is no going back. Forget Konoha, and forget the Akatsuki as well. All she could do was wait when the potion get's to her heart and eliminate her life span all together. And then when the time comes, her life will belong up in the heavens..

**-Morning-**

"Waaaaahhh! Where did mermaid-chan go?"

Deidara awoke with a start to his wonderful crime filled clay bombing life. A smirk tugged on the muscles in his face. Where ever that mermaid was, or Sasori no danna killer, she was gone for good. Hopefully she got mauled by a mountain lion or something. Said blond got up and started stretching while muttering stuff to him self.

"Good. The quicker she got away from us, the better.."

Tobi continued his sobbing." Y-you were going to eat her?"

"No. Why the hell would I eat a human? This isn't survivor you twit."

"She was a human all this time?" He squeaked. Time went away then Tobi joined in, running down forest floor with his arms raised in the air. "Don't worry cherry-chan! I'll save you!"

His partner groaned and looked away finding a pink blob purring against his feet. Deidara looked up with his squinting eye in submission and pushed the neko away with his foot. Once the clay bomber came across her appearance, he didn't bother to go after Tobi. Moments past and the two were still standing there when along came Tobi breathing heavily from running through the forest.

"Omgosh, I couldn't find cherry-chan any where.." he huffed. Tobi twisted his head and found something grand. "Oh my Tobi! Tobi find kitty!"

"Hm, that should keep you satisfied. Now let's move on. Were late already as it is.."

"M'kay! Tobi will follow Deidara-sama forever!"

Deidara stopped moving, rolled his blue eye, then kept trekking down the forest path. Tobi made a few attempts to follow his partner but couldn't. He wanted to play with the kitty so bad! But if he did, the angry blond man would get angrier. Instead, he took his chances and stood for a moment while bathing in the sun light.

A grin got fixed on the man's face. "Tobi play with Neko-chan.." and bent down patting his knees while whistling for the neko to come near him. Sakura lazily stared at him for a moment before moving past him down the path as well. He stayed back shouting something, "Why doesn't anybody listen to Tobi?"

Up front, Deidara laughed at him feverishly like a monkey then stopped to take a rest near the trees. The man leaned down on the bark and closed his blue eye to take a quick nap for a few minutes only to reopen them and narrow it in complete anger. Tobi was in front of him, dangling from the branches like a monkey.

Tobi swung back and forth. "Ook, ook, auugh, auggh! Tobi want bananas!"

"Eat your own damn bananas." Grumbled the blond.

"Where?"

"In your clo-" He paused and kept his attention on a plant from miles away from here. "Aw shit, not him."

Tobi kept his attention on the moving plant. "Yipee! It's Zetsu-chan!" and started jumping like a flightless bird. "Come here Zetsu-chan!"

"No way, you damn fool. Don't tell that stupid aloe vera to come here any closer!" Hissed the clay bomber.

The swirled loli pop mask wearing man dropped from his place and onto the floor. "Why not?" Tobi questioned his partner's motives, then froze when a blurry figure emerged right in front of him. "Hiya Zetsu-chan! How are you doing today?" he chirped happily.

"Terrible." Zetsu grunted.

"Oh." Tobi replied, not knowing what to say. "Any reason to why your here to bug us?"

"Pein requires your presence at the base." He said and took a long pause. "Now."

"Eeek!" He squeaked, shielding him self from the plant man. "T-tobi will be there with Deidara-sempai right away!"

On cue, Zetsu buried deep within the ground leaving the Akatsuki members there to fend for them selves. It was quiet for a while until Deidara smacked Tobi upside the head for acting so weak and stupid.

"Aah, your a such baka!" He barked making contact with Tobi's skull. "I never met a more childish man then you!"

"Tobi-chan will and always be childish!" Replied the dim witted member.

"Err, it's like dealing with a two year old.." Growled the blond man.

Tobi bent down and petted the kitty. "Come on cherry-chan, let's go to the base."

Deidara's eye glistened in rage. "What are you talking about? Were not taking that _thing_ home with us."

"Tobi chan heard you say yes in chapter one!"

"Aw, shit.." he d'ohed in annoyance. "Did I really?"

'Yes you did. Tobi want you to get along with Cherry-chan!"

"How can I when she's not even here?"

"What? Where did kitty-chan g- Hey! Kitty-chan don't go near that crocodile!"

Tobi stormed down the banks and pointed a gloved finger onto the croc. "Mr. Croc, please put down my kitty chan this fucking instant!"

Chomp! Chomp!

His head got pulled into the crocodile's mouth. "Aayugghgklhjhlddjsf~ Croc-teme has caught me!"

"I'm really going to regret this later.." Signed Deidara.

He walked over to the edge of the pond and bent down allowing a few clay spiders into the water. The clay monsters walked down the surface and exploded on top of the crocodile Tobi was being digested by. Said loli pop man popped out of his trap and kicked them in the shins.

"Die crocky-chan, die!" Tobi shouted. he took one long swing and collided with the monster's jaw. "I got you now!"

"Will you stop playing with the damn crocodile? We already lost hell of day light time.." Called out Deidara from across the pond.

Tobi pulled opened the creature's jaw and yelled, "Just a second!" before stealing the cat out of the croc's jaw and jumping into the water leaving it to die.

Deidara kept his attention on a moving shadow swimming across the pond. It stopped near the bay and a pink blur shot out from the water ignoring the black swirly thing behind. He arched an eye brow when bubbles exploded into the sky and stared at a hand slithering out onto the surface. He slammed a foot onto the shadow crushing it's skull.

"Owie!"

"'Baka.."

**That was so random at the end. D: I will make more soon. There is another chapter in the works. But due to editing, adding jokes and a plot, thinking about how many words there would be, etc. It would take longer then I thought. I will return when I have more ideas. **

**Mean while, you can review your thoughts on this chapter. See you later.**

**Foxy-chan~  
**


	3. Cat Fish

**Hello. Do you know what day it is? Easter! I'm quite sad that I didn't get any Easter candy from my mother. I'm not too old to get any, just not from her. But I bought some earlier today so I don't care what she does. Except making turkey today, ugh. As a holiday treat, I decided to update the story. Enjoy. ^^  
**

Never Pick Up A Stray

Chapter Three: Cat Fish

_Mean while, in the village of Konoha..._

Some one was not happy.

Her location was in the middle of the room surrounded by books and a nice opened window so the fresh air can come in and blow her troubles away. Including the woman's sake, this was her only acting opportunity for her to relax until the villagers and council men bother the hell out of her for signatures and to complain about their neighbors.

For this hokage, correct term, _woman_ hokage, this was her time to act.

To act upon her instincts when it came to a missing member of her ever growing flock.

"Omgosh, what do you mean that you couldn't find her?"

Tsunade was sitting at her desk. Apparently she was fuming over the lack of service for finding her apprentice. So instead of maneuvering her fist through the window like last time, she remained calm and peacefully hoping to compromised with her search party. There was about three of them, Akamaru, Kiba, and..

"Aw, man.." Moaned the blond. "Sakura-chan broke my clock.."

"Fuck your clock. We have a missing kunoichi on our hands." Cursed the female hokage.

"T-tsunade-baa chan, that wasn't necessary." Stuttered Naruto in complete grief. He rubbed the broken clock against his skin. "It's okay Mr. Frog.."

"What the hell?" Roared the older blond. "Cut it out!"

'Bleh." He responded and tossed the clock away to the floor. "Why don't you go look for her then?"

"And risk losing my seat to you? A dobe? In your dreams!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What she means dobe, is that she doesn't want her self to be replaced by some inexperienced bimbo." Commented someone who was suppose to be his ally. Naruto glared at him.

"Kiba-teme!"

"Okay, okay, that's enough." Grumbled Tsunade. She turned towards Kiba. "Have you found any clue to her whereabouts?"

"No. But Akamaru picked up a trace of neko near the gates."

The room grew quiet.

"No way..could this be?" Spoke the gondaime in awe.

Both boys watched the leader get up from her spot at the desk and leave out the room. They both exchanged a quick look of concern and ran after the hokage. Did she gain any mental clues to the missing cherry blossom's whereabouts? Outside, Tsunade was running towards the hospital with Naruto and Kiba trailing after her.

"Hey Tsunade-baa chan! Where are you g-going?" Huffed the blond.

Tsunade stopped running and faced him. "I think I know what happened to Sakura."

...

**-With kitty-chan, Dei Dei, and Tobi-**

Sakura was tired.

Tired of running and walking, stopping to make camp, and going to take crap breaks. Where the hell was the freaking base? If she turned human right now, she would kick their nuke nin asses skyward to the moon! Sakura stopped walking on her paws and plopped down below the shade while her two tour guides were arguing about some stupid stuff.

"Tobi chan tired of wandering!" Complained the childish man.

Deidara wasn't hearing this. "It's not my fault that you lost the compass, un."

"Well how about we use your birds?"

He quite walking and faced the dobe. "My birds? Ha, you wish." Deidara chuckled.

Tobi tried to reason with him. "Aw, come on. Tobi want to fly with the real birds!"

"You want to fly? I'll show you flying."

Deidara made his way towards the pumpkin mask wearing fool. Tobi cocked his head to the side innocently like a puppy being corned to take a bath in the tub and floated away like a bee. His opponent struggled to keep up with him and disappeared in a puff of smoke before reappearing to trip him. But Tobi didn't fall for that mess and kept his balance.

"Hehee, meep meeep!"

Deidara closed his eyes when a long tongue lapped him in the face. This had to stop whether or not the dobe will get hurt.

"Take this you bitch." he snarled pressing his palms against Tobi's tongue.

"Gaaahhh! Tobi tongue bitten and gone!"

Deidara was rather pleased by his results. So he decided to perform another trick. "Round two."

While Deidara was laughing and grumbling to him self, Sakura jumped into Tobi's arms ready to act like a shield so he won't kill him. But it seemed like both of them were going to die between his insanity. The pink kitten kept track of his moments while Tobi kept going in reverse with his feet.

"Tobi confused why your backing Tobi and kitty-chan into a corner."

"What are you talking about? There's no damn corners anywhere, hmmm."

"I will_ make_ corners!" Tobi shouted, and moved away creating some distance between him self and the suicide bomber. "Wood prison no jutsu!"

Suddenly, the earth started shaking. Deidara jumped away from the faltering plates beneath him and flew forward when a clone swung at him. He found himself surrounded by a dome of wood as it wrapped around the space decreasing his oxygen. Once the jutsu finished, Deidara walked around knocking on the wood searching for something.

"Damn it, not one weak spot." Mumbled the blond. "How the hell did Tobi become so smart, yeah?"

"Don't underestimate Tobi-chan!" Exclaimed a voice from outside. "Tobi is a kick ass shinobi!"

"I will kick your ass once I find a way out of here." Deidara growled. "As soon as I find one.."

His scope eye darted from right to left. 'Shit, I don't see a blind spot. Plus, there's no point of blowing up the wood or else I will explode with it.' While he kept thinking, a plot slowly formed in his mind. Soon, a smirk mingled in with it._ 'That's it. I'll teleport my way out of here.'_

_...  
_

=With Tobi=

"Tee hee! I stopped Deidara-sama from killing us!" Tobi shouted excitedly.

He kept tossing the cat up in the air while chanting the same old lines over and over. This victory was so impressive that he threw her higher the third time. Sakura flew up like a rocket heading for mars and flail around trying to keep her balance in the air. She stopped panicking and close her eyes hoping that those cat instincts of hers will explode through her veins.

_'Come on kitty-inner. Show me the light!'_

**'Show you the light? Your not dying are you?'**

_'No way. I need your help before I die laying on the ground in my own juices.'_

**'Hold up, wait a minute. Can you use something else?'**

_'Something else like what?'_

**'I don't know. Maybe a replacement for the word, light.'**

_'Fine. Show me the potato salad!'_

**'Hahaha, your funny as cheese!'**

_'Less laughing, more gravity! I'm falling to my death here!'_

**'Alright, alright. Here we go! Brace your self!'**

Sakura rolled on her side allowing her paws to take over the gravity flowing between her fur. At once, the grounded collided with the balls of her paws. The kitten shivered in alarm and cracked onto eye open to survey it's surroundings. _'Am I alive?' _She thought in awe. The other eye reopened. Millions of tree and the smell of pollen lifted into her nostrils._ 'Yes I am, I'm alive!'_

An '_oof_' sound went off, and there Deidara was standing like a tree.

Tobi freaked out again. "Hey! What are doing out of Tobi-chan's prison?"

Deidara gave him the middle finger. "Suck it bitch, un." and stared at the cat. "What the hell? What are you so happy for?"

Tobi intruded on his conversation. "She's happy that the sky guards saved her."

"Sky gods? Geez, your talking is getting worse by the minute."

"Tobi tell you about sky gods?" Questioned the newest member. Deidara's left eye brow twitched violently.

"Shut the fuck up!" Roared the man.

The terrorist suddenly tossed a clay bomb at the orange candy mask wearing nin and plugged his ears. Tobi started to freak out in complete happiness.

"Yay, Deidara-sama gave me bomb for a Christmas!"

Sakura got on all fours._ 'You idiot! Does that look like a damn present from Santa Claus?'_

"I have been waiting to do this forever, hmm." Smirked Deidara.

Sakura's emerald eyes widened at the man's odd behavior. _'Oh no, please don't tell me..' _She thought in complete awe. The pink cat freaked out when a clay spider crept into the holes of Tobi's mask. She leaped out of the man's arms and scurried away along with Deidara into the forest. When the two ducked behind a large boulder, an explosion fire-worked into the atmosphere.

_'Wow, and I thought a cherry bomb next to some dynamite will go that high.'_

Deidara stepped out from his hiding spot. "That was some explosion, yeah." and grinned. "Which was done by yours truly!"

Sakura rolled her kitty eyes at him. _'Oh brother..'_ Then widened them in awe,_ 'Deidara-baka, where are you going?'_

Realizing that the fool wasn't listing to her, she started following him. The feline kept her speed up to minimum with the male as he kept going past the trees and stopped in the bushes watching a orange blob cry a river of tears.

"What a dumb ass, hmm.." and did a few hand signs. "How about some bird droppings?"

Four birds took to the sky and shot across the forest colliding with Tobi's flesh. He started dancing like a penguin getting high off of Oxycontin and pixie sticks. Sakura bent down putting her paws to her eyes in fear avoiding to stare at the clay creatures explode on him. She stopped blocking it from plaguing her eyes and stared at a laughing clay throwing terrorist.

"Hehehe, Tobi go boom. Eh, kitty-chan?" Deidara chuckled dryly.

_'It's Sakura to you punk.'_ Thought the cat.

"Bleh. Well, I'm leaving. You can come if you want."

Sakura fought with the ability whether or not to leave and hang out with Deidara, or suffer with Tobi. but really, who wants to be with an idiotic but likeable loli pop masked wearing weirdo? Wait a minute, Deidara is a weirdo as well accept with clay bombs of art.

_'Fuck it. Transportation is better then walking in my book.'_

The pink cat stuck her tail up in the air and walked down the grass path following the blond's scent. She kept moving past some trees and caught a glimpse of two rabbits mating in the clearing. Sakura stuck her tongue out in disgust at the sexual interaction and screamed when a hawk swooped in and stole the male rabbit.

She stuck one foot back in reverse and spun around taking another direction of the forest. Perhaps her absence of said being will prevent the female hare from beating her up. The cat stopped near a lake and took notice of a yellow blob sitting atop a brown blob.

Something was wrong. _'What's up with the beak?'_

"Quite staring. It's not my fault that it fell off when I was molding it, un."

'_What ever. Can we go now? I want to see the world without passing out from hunger and lack of oxygen.'_

"Alright now, silly passenger. We are about to lift off."

The kitten obeyed obeyed and jumped up on the clay bird. Again, something was wrong.

_'With what? Your wings are broken.'_

Deidara freaked out. "What happened to my bird?" and looked around the forest. "Aw, shit.."

Sakura poked her furry head from off the bird's clay upper body._ 'Huh? What's going on.. HOLY SHIT! FLY! FLY! GIRLY MAN! FLY!'_

The large brown bird took off before a large fox ate them whole.

"Yay, we beat that suniva bitch out of it's misery! Un!"

Said kitty grew weary. _'Are you sure we can fly? These wings are still busted if you didn't notice by now.'_

Sakura was completely right. Said bird sailed in the air for only a couple seconds and crashed down into the earth. She jumped off the crumbled bird and landed on her front paws while Deidara crashed busting his head against a root from a nearby tree.

"Ow, un."

The cat sat down on her paws. _'Were never going to get out of this forest.'_

"Hmm, maybe I need to create another bird."

_'No duh, Sherlock.'_

"That's it! I'll create another bird. The sooner the better so I can get back to the base, un."

Deidara took out more clay and created another bird. He climbed it and settled there until the time was right. Sakura attempted to climb up the clay material but it was too high for her. So she wandered away up her only transportation's shoulders.

"You coming or not?"

Tobi shook his head lightly and noticed that his clay bombing friend was no where to be found. Did he leave? Said member looked up with a tear drop forming out the side of his neck as he gazed at a bird coming out from behind the trees into the sky. Sakura realized that it was time to run and dropped down into his shoulders.

Tobi started running trying to catch up with him. "Where are you going Deidara-san? Wait for Tobi!" he asked, jumping over a few rocks and twigs.

Deidara turned around with his body facing the child. "No. I'm not stopping for you, hmmm!" and flew away.

"Aw, he leave Tobi and kitty-chan behind.." Whined the boy. Something hit him, "Oops, Tobi mess up the story!"

_'No you didn't. I didn't feel like hitching a ride with the transgender.'_

Sakura sat in his arms and watched the clay bird head for the mountains. She wished that the damn man would climb all those rocks and call this childish mess a day. But no, Deidara keeps punishing the sanity of every-bodies minds and this shit will never end. So she tapped the man's shoulder with her long tail.

He felt the poke and turned to look at her. "Where is Deidara-sama?"

His eyes caught the floating mass of brown clay. Tobi jumped for joy and entered a short sprint leaving dust behind, catching up with the bird. Deidara made a girlish scream and threw exploding clay at the Akatsuki member. Tobi easily dodged the blows from right to left and removed a tree from it's roots tossing it towards him.

Tobi shrieked in shock when the movinf tree contained a pink dot. "Neko-chann!"

Deidara raised an eye brow at the upcoming attack. "What the fuck? Did he just hurl at tree at me?"

He steered his bird to the right but it was too slow getting him whacked in the face. Deidara swiped the bark out of his front and stared into the jade green eyes of Sakura. Said clay bomber grew mad at her presence and threw his foot into her jaw. Sakura moved away quickly from the blow and jumped on him with her claws unleashed.

"Aiaksdjhdsf, get off me you mother fucker, yeah!"

Tobi was down below climbing some mountains. "Don't worry! I'll save you kitty chan!"

Deidara pulled the cat off his face. "Oh crap, not the childish man." and flew away further up the mountains.

Said loli pop gasped at his out of reach goal and climbed further up the rocky terrains. Slowly, the figure of a blond beaten up man with a scratch marks on his face came into view. After Tobi reached the top, he stormed over and snatched the kitten out of the terrorist man's mouthed hands.

Tobi wagged a finger at him. "Bad, bad, clay bomber! No kitty for you."

Deidara looked away and mumbled, "Kami should have told that same thing to you."

...

It was quite hot in the village where two Akatsuki members were traveling. Since they picked up an extra traveler, it got worse each hour of the day. For Deidara, this seemed possible ever since he got a replacement for Sasori. Speaking of his replacement, he was hanging on the bark of a tree in exhaustion.

"Tobi tired! Tobi hungry! Tobi boredd.." he whined increasingly towards the end. "Will you pass me the trial mix we got from Oto?"

Deidara stopped munching like a pig. "Huh?" and then hid the bag from him. "I don't know what your talking about."

"Ugh, now were hungry and bored!" moaned the loli pop masked lad. He looked up spying a pink blob by the river. "Hmm? What are you doing?"

Sakura got down to the ground, her belly low to the grass._ 'I'm going to capture us some fish._' she transmitted, to the fools._ 'That's if and when I'll capture something..'_

"Ah, Tobi help kitty-chan get some fish."

He stuck his hand into a tree and pulled out something else. "Hmm? This isn't a stick?" and turned red beneath his mask. "Tobi itchy!"

Near Sakura, she seemed to have finish hunting down their meal. She turned around with the fish trapped within her fangs and dropped them in complete shock.

_'Huh? What's going on here?'_ and watched Tobi run around with a bee hive stuck in his head. _'Okay.. I'm sure that he did this on purpose.'_

While Tobi ran around kissing bees, Deidara just finished up on his trail mix bag.

"Stupid trail mix people. Didn't put enough fruit in the damn bag.." Grumbled the older male. He tossed it away and looking around searching for Tobi. "Aw, shit.." Then started running in the opposite direction with his partner trailing after him. "G-get away from me! Tobi! Run the opposite direction!"

Tobi hit a rock, then spun around doing the drunk dance. "How can I when I'm blinded by bees?" Questioned the loli. "Help mee!"

Deidara lazily cast his eyes down wards. "Any ideas.. cat?"

Sakura looked up at him with a frown._ 'I have no clue. He's your partner, not mine.'_

"Okay then!" Shouted the clay bomber. Deidara picked up a tree and kept balancing it like a bat. "Tobi, come to me."

The dancing bee hive man obliged and rushed towards him. It flew over on it's ass after getting wacked the fudge out by the bark.

Tobi sat on the ground with his legs sprawled on the ground. "Mmm, that wasn't too extreme." and coughed up blood when a tree landed roots first in his stomach.

Deidara stood above him dusting his hands off. "There we are, I destroyed the bees." and walked away deeper into the forest.

Tobi shot up from the ground and caught up with Deidara in a millisecond. Deidara freaked out in surprise and ran away leaning on a tree so he could catch his breath.

An orange and black blob greeted him from up in the branches. "How about we play that's my tree?" it questioned cheekily.

"What the fuck does that's my tree mean?"

On cue, Tobi spotted an oak tree. "That's my tree!"

Deidara rolled his blue eye. "How stupid..." he muttered, and took notice of a boulder. "At last were finally here, hmm."

"Yay! Tobi spy rock!" Chirped the man. "Hold up, does a bear count?"

"A bear? You told me that were playing that's my tree and now your switching it up to that's my bear?"

"No! Tobi spy Yogi bear in front of the base."

"Fuck Yogi bear. No one didn't place any picnic baskets outside the base, un."

"Maybe he's looking for Boo Boo?"

"Perhaps Hidan stole his friend out of the woods."

"Aw, I feel sorry for Yogi.."

"I don't. If he's looking for food then he's at the wrong boulder."

A mighty roar brought them back down to earth. The roar radiated across the woods and shook down the entire trees and cracked the earth they were standing on. Deidara cursed on his breath then unleashed a few clay monsters and flew away on a bird leaving his silly partner behind. Tobi ran behind holding the neko in his arms.

"Why are you leaving Tobi? Again?" Whined the child/man.

Deidara turned around in his spot. "Cause your annoying.." and moved back into place only to increase speed.

"I got an idea!" Tobi declared and dropped the kitten.

She started to run. _'Hey! What's going on? I thought you were my ride?'_

"Turn int a saber tooth cat cherry-chan, and fly!"

_'Does it look like I'm Kiara's cousin?'_ Sweat dropped the kitten.

Tobi took out a kunai. "Maybe I should fork your tails into two. Then you'll turn into one!"

_'N-no way!'_ Hissed the cat.

She ran away getting closer and closer into danger..

**Tee hee. I came up with a cliff hanger.**

**Will Sakura-chan be eaten? Will Deidara and Tobi ever get to base?**

**Will Yogi bear ever reunite with Boo Boo?**

**Hold up, I don't even think he's in here. T.T  
**

**Find out next time in, Never Pick Up A Stray!**

**Review please! Happy Easter!**

**Foxy-chan  
**


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